Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
