Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
