I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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