Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
