Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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