Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
