I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
