Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
