The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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