Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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