Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
These tits shall not be calmed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
