Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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