You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
