There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
