I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
