Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There are leaves in my underwear?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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