Only a mothe r could love this liver
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
