i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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