I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
