i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
