He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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