lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
