Swine flu. Run for my life!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
