please come you make the beer taste better
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
