Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
