I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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