Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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