i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
