We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
