I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
