I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
