Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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