i don't like sucking hair
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
