I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
