Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
