i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
