do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
