All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
