right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
