I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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