Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
