you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize