I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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