Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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