What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
