In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
