dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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