the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
