is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
