I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
