my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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