I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
