They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
