So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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