carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you told grandpa to call you daddy
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
