Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
