Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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