i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
