I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
