we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
