so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Quick, to the slutcave!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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