All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
