I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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