Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
