So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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