bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
