you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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