Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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