Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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