Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
