remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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