Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
