You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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