I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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