I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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