In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
