so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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