just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
