She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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