I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
