DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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