AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
