I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
